


Iwaoi (I don't Know read tags sorry)

by Suicidal_simp



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, My First AO3 Post, Panic Attacks, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, Trans Male Character, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suicidal_simp/pseuds/Suicidal_simp
Summary: Oikawa is not having the best day and things escalate, will Iwaizumi make it on time. What will happen to their relation ship?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Iwaoi (I don't Know read tags sorry)

iwaoi  
Sorry if this does not make sense this is self indulgent and i was not in the best state, I just wanted to rant.

Trigger warning;

This contains mention of

Self harm,

Dysphoria

And panic attacks.

3rd person

Oikawa was a transgender male, and today he was having one of his of days. During these times he rarely ever left his room, nevermind his bed. He didn’t talk to anyone scared of what they may think and say. He was tired of hearing ‘Are you ok?’ which he was obviously not and ‘it will all get better’. Everyone who said these things with a look of pity on their face. Oikawa hated being pitied.

He had faced a lot within his lifetime so far of 17 years. He just wanted to be a real man. He wanted the voices in his head to stop. But he couldn’t stop them…

Oikawa’s POV

I tried to stop the voices in my head. Their voices grow louder by the second.

‘You are weak’

‘You will never be a man’

‘Why not kill yourself, you are a burden to this world’

‘Everyone hates you, they just act nice because they pity you’

‘No one will ever love you’

I could now feel the salty rush of tears falling from my eyes. The stinging sensation in my eyes increased as another droplet of water appeared dragging its way down my fair complexion as if mocking me. I really am weak aren't I. I could feel my body trembling as I released silent sobs. My head was pounding and my mind was hazy.

I started to get a familiar itch in my arms. Though my body was begging me to go back to my awful habits. I released yet more choked sobs, my nails dragging across my arms not yet satisfying the itch.

The voices in my head got louder if possible noticing my itch, the desire for something more.

‘You know you want this, you never really threw away the blade for a reason’

‘Satisfy your urge, draw the beautiful crimson from your skin’

‘Cut’

‘Cut’

‘CUT’

I couldn’t take it anymore, I shakely got up from beneath the covers of my comforter making my way to the bathroom. I had my own apartment so no one could bother me here. I lock the door and then position myself in front of the mirror. Even with my binder on I am still not completely flat. When I look closer I see that my body is much curvier than a mans should be, even my face is a much softer shape .

“Damit!” I let out a choked yell. I punched the mirror, the glass shattered surrounding me with the small pieces. They were broken just like me. This was more convenient, I picked up one of the shards of glass near my feet and held it up to my left arm. As my sleeve was rolled up, I saw the dark scars that littered my arm. I smiled at the sight, ready to add more to my collection. Of course they scars that littered my arms and legs made me look even worse than I already did previously, but it was worth the pain. I gently at first press the shard against my skin, it does nothing so I press down harder watching little spots of crimson show up beneath. It still was not enough. I drag the shard across my arm removing it and watch the beautiful shade of red leak from my skin. My voices kept saying it was not enough, I did two more lines following the same pattern lower down on my arm. I realise i may have got too deep on the last two but i haven't hit an artery or tendon so i’m good.

As I watch the blood flow down my arms, I start to feel at peace, the voices seem smaller but unfortunately quite a bit of blood drops onto the floor that I would have to clean up later.

I suddenly hear the front door open and a voice call out

“Tooru are you here? I brought Milk bread”

“Shit!” I whisper quite loudly.

I could not let Iwa-chan see me like this. I realised I had my phone in my pocket and I pulled it out opening the camera to see how I looked. I still had tears in my eyes and rolling down my face, my eyes were all puffy and red. Not to mention there was glass all over the floor and my arm was littered in new fresh wounds.

Pulling me away from the peace, I feel another wave of panic rush through me. I don’t know what to do.

“ Tooru” I heard Iwaizumi call my name again, I could not find my voice to respond. I feel scared, no, terrified. I know the door is locked. Wait is it? I don’t remember.

Iwaizumi’s POV

As I entered Oikawa’s apartment with the key I was given, not wanting to disturb him, something felt wrong. There was a strange silence and most of the lights were off. I take off my shoes putting them near the door matt and call my best friends name

“Tooru!” there was no answer which was weird. I make my way through the apartment to his bedroom thinking it may be one of those days. The door is closed so I knock. No answer, I knock again still getting no response. As I was getting no response I tested to see if the door was unlocked. Turning the handle I see that it is so I enter myself. That's weird, his light is off and his bed is all messed up but he’s not here.

“Tooru!” I call out again. There was no response but then I saw a light emitting from underneath the bathroom door. I place the bag of food and medicine on the bed and walk up to the door.

I knock thrice, getting no answer. I start to get worried. I start knocking more harshly, calling out his name again and again.

“TOORU, HEY OPEN UP, TOORU PLEASE!”

I hear a shuffle and a small sob come from the otherside of the door. I try turning the handle but of course, it’s locked, just my luck. I run a hand through my hair stressed, trying to think of a way to open the door. Because the bathroom door is different to the other ones I just need a clip or a pin of some sort to twist it. I rush back into Oikawa’s bedroom opening all his draws in a frantic search for some sort of pin. I find a clip in one of his drawers and spend no time running back to the bathroom door. This brought back memories to me about when Oikawa was still living with his parents but they were off on a business trip. I had to unlock the door then as well finding an unconscious person on the other side. It terrified me seeing Oikawa like that, a sight like that broke my heart into a million pieces. I really do not want to witness something like that again.

“Shit” I let out a whispered curse at the memory. I finally heard a click meaning that the lock was open. I burst into the bathroom and saw a heart wrenching sight. Oikawa was crouched down on the floor, glass surrounding him. He had salty tears streaming down his face. But what was worse was that one of his arms were littered in fresh new cuts, blood still flowing from the open wounds. His other hand was bruised and swollen most likely from punching the mirror it seemed. My heart clenched at the sight. He just was crouched down still, staring at the floor as though he hadn't even noticed my presence. I don’t think he had. Slowly his eyes met mine. He looked terrified seeing me and his mouth was opening and closing like he wanted to say something, but he just couldn’t. His tears started to flow faster.

“Tooru…,” I whispered.

I slowly made my way up to him, there was still glass so I had to be careful. Before fully approaching him, I grabbed a tissue and moved the glass into a pile by the side. I then crouched down in front of him and pulled him into a hug. He was trembling in my arms, his face tucked into the crook of my neck. He was now full on sobbing. I placed one hand on his back and slowly rubbed up and down, whispering sweet nothings into his ears. After a while he moved back leaning against the cupboard of the sink. He then placed his hands over his ears and started rocking back and forth.

Oikawa’s POV

I broke away from the sweet hug from my Iwa-chan. I lent against the sink cupboard. I could hear the voices now louder than ever before. I placed my hands over my ears, my bruised knuckles aching at the pressure and started rocking myself back and forth. I squeezed my eyes shut, my tears now causing a lot more irritation to them. I desperately tried to get these voices and thoughts to stop but I just couldn’t. After a while of doing this my throat was stinging and i had no idea why, just then, I realised i was screaming. I was also now wrapped back up in Iwa-chan's arms. I struggled to use my voice and it hurt to do so.

I croaked out “Iwa-chan,” It was barely audible but I knew he heard it. My breathing was rough and ragged. I struggled just to get the air actually to go into my lungs. I could feel myself shaking and trembling heavily, but grounded by Iwa-chan's arms. My body soon just feels weak and limp. My mind is hazy and I can’t really seem to focus on anything but the feeling on my Iwa-chan’s arms around me.

I let out a few last words struggling to hold back my stutter before my mind fell black.

“I...L-love you Iw-Iwa-chan, t-tha-thankyou,”

Iwaizumi’s POV

“I...L-love you Iw-Iwa-chan, t-tha-thankyou,” After Oikaw- no Tooru fell limp in my arms, those were the last words I heard before he became fully unresponsive. I wiped away some of the stray tears on his flushed face and kissed his head whispering

“ I …I love you to Tooru,” I knew how much Tooru hated hospitals and I couldn't bear to see him wake up in one. Last time he was in one his eyes were dull his entire stay.

I carefully and gently picked him up in bridal style. He felt light, too light and I felt my face scrunch up at the thought. I placed the bag that was previously on the bed on the top of his bedside table and then gently lowered Tooru onto the bed. When he was laid down, I made my way to the closet in his room where I knew he always had a first aid kit. I crouched down on the bedside and delicately grabbed the arm that was closest to me which seemed to be the one with the cuts. The blood had luckily stopped, I opened the first aid kit and got out a packet of alcohol wipes. I took one out of the packet and wiped down Tooru’s arm, he stirred in his sleep letting out a incontent noise.

“Shhh, it’s okay...I am here Tooru,” I said, soothingly rubbing my hand up and down his shoulder.

After doing that, I continued to wipe down his arm going through multiple wipes. When i had finished doing that, I placed the wipes in the bin near me and got out a roll of badges and medical tape. Putting his palm facing upwards, I started my wrap leading from the thumb. At the beginning I used a piece of medical tape to keep it in place. I slowly made my way up his arm trying not to make the wrap too tight. When I had finished wrapping, I tore another piece of medical tape at the top to seal it off. I kissed his bandaged hand and moved to the next one.

I did not think it was broken or fractured at the knuckles but I had to play it safe. I did the same process of wiping it down with an alcohol wipe and using some tweezers to pull out some small pieces of glass that lodged themselves into the skin. When I had finished I went over with another wipe to remove some of the dry blood. I then placed that into the bin. I made a splint for Tooru’s hand by using one of the medical sticks on the underside of his arm and then using a bandage around it sealing it off with medical tape. I then placed a kiss on that hand. I put away the first aid kit and got two wet clothes from the kitchen. I used one to wipe the tear stains from Tooru’s eyes and then put one on his forehead as he was starting to burn up.

I pulled the comforter up and tucked him in leaving his arms out on the side. I next went to the kitchen and got a mop and a dustpan and brush. I then made my way to the bathroom and looked at its state. It looked like there had been a murder. I first used the dustpan to sweep up the glass that I had moved to the side before putting them in the bin. Placing the dustpan and brush on the side, I wet the mop and started to rid the floor of the blood. Luckily it was not carpet. When I had also finished that task, I washed the mop and put both the dustpan and the mop back into the cupboard in the kitchen.

I went back into Tooru’s bedroom with a glass of water and painkillers, he was awake still lying down looking at the ceiling. When he noticed me enter he let out a small tied smile.

“Iwa-chan,” he called out, his voice still hoarse and scratchy.

I smiled at the nickname and started by saying in a gentle tone,

“Hey, how are you feeling Tooru?” placing the stuff on the bedside table taking a seat next to him on the bed and started running my fingers through his hair. He let out a satisfied hum and replied to the question with “Better now, thank you,”

He looked as though he was about to cry, I moved hy hand down to his cheek and started to stroke it, hey what’s wrong Tooru? You are safe now, don’t worry about anything. I am glad you are feeling a little better now ok..?” I said this with a soft tone, my hand stroking his cheek. I did not want him to worry about the previous events.

I think he knew that I would keep telling him not to worry and that it was not his fault so he decided to give up on arguing still tired and just moved his head to a simple nod.

“ Here let me help you sit up, you need some food and then medicine,”

He did not look happy at the mention of having to get up and take medicine but I got him to cooperate. When he was leaning up against the backboard of the bed, I grabbed the bag from when I first arrived and took out a packet of milk bread. This was Tooru’s favourite food, his eyes lit up at the sight of it. He then looked frustrated and looked down at his arms then back to me. I got the sign, he could not really feed himself. “Are you ok with me feeding you?” I asked.

“Y-yes” He stammered in a quiet voice.

I broke off a piece of the bread and he opened his mouth, I popped it in and his cheeks went to a light shade of pink.

“Cute,”

Tooru almost choked and looked at me with wide eyes “W-what did you just say..?”

I just realised I had said that out loud and turned my face away to hide my now flushed cheeks. “N-nothing, it doesn't matter,” Dammit I stuttered.

I felt him place a hand on my cheek and turn my face around. I could tell it hurt to move his arm and was just about to tell him to be careful when he spoke.

“I-I thin-nk Iwa-chan is cute t-too,” He lowered his arm and looked down his cheeks increasing in colour.

We then stayed in a not uncomfortable, but also not comfortable silence with me feeding him pieces of milk bread.

After he had finished the milk bread he took the pain killers with me deciding to give liquid medicine with a spoon and feeding him water afterwards.

“E-ehh iwa-chan~” he whined “Th-that tas-sted dis-disgusting,” He was still stuttering when speaking.

I placed a hand on his cheek and got teasingly close causing his cheeks to flush up again.

“Stop whining Tooru~” I spoke with a teasing tone and a smirk plastered on my face.

Oikawa’s eyes were open really wide with his mouth slightly open and cheeks flushed.

Oikawa backed away and looked down again, licking his lips.

“I-Is it just m-me or is it re-really hot in here,” Oikawa mumbled.

D-damn I flustered myself.

I buried my face in my hands mumbling incoherent things into them and scolding myself in my head. I thought everything I was saying was in my head. I only realises i made the same stupid mistake as before when I once again looked up too see Tooru’s attractive face looking down at me with his molten chocolate eyes.

He looked at me in bewilderment.

“Shit!” I cursed out then looked back up at him 

What he was saying in his head-

‘Dammit Hajime you just went and flustered yourself again. Ugh why does he have to be so pretty. NO Hajime do not think that. Nope nope…. His beautiful chocolate brown eyes and his flushed cheeks, his perfect face features. God I love him so much i just wanna kiss him so bad. (he mentally face palmed) no Hajime you can’t do that, just comfort him. You don’t wanna lose your friendship. Even if he said it before he passed out you can’t just say oh hi Tooru i love you too then him looking confused and you dying of embarrassment you have to look after him. … But his lips look so soft and plump...just one kiss.’

I rubbed my hands up and down my face. “ please tooru, tell me you did not hear that,”

Oikawa let out another stuttered reply his face now looking like a ripe tomato

“I-I uhh umm y-you did,” He let out one of his big smiles and my heart started beating a million miles and hour. He then said something I missed. “Oh um, sorry could you repeat that?”

He looked me straight in the eye (unlike them) and basically yelled “I-I l-l...I Love you too!”

I looked at him in utter confusion with a feeling my face matched his but I have slightly tanner skin.

I could not control myself anymore. I just wanted to kiss him.

“T-tooru,” I uttered. He looked pretty nervous that I had stuttered but i’m the one who should be nervous, ugh here i go.

I cleared my throat which made sure all of his attention was on me.

“Tooru can…..can I kiss you,” I put my face down in embarrassment.

I felt him nudge me with his knee and he nodded saying that I could. I look at his eyes and then down to his lips. He did the same. I licked my lips in anticipation slowly leaning into him. One of my hands was on his jaw and then our lips collided. His soft,plump ones against my slightly chapped ones. It felt as though fireworks were set off inside of me and my heart was beating so loud i'm sure the other could hear it.

The kiss was slow and passionate, I never wanted to break from it. When we did I was kind of upset but did not want it to show. We rested our foreheads together catching our breath from the kiss. Although it was short and slow just the adrenaline pumping through my veins caused me the need to catch my breath. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment, when I opened them. Tooru had tears streaming down his flushed cheeks but he also had a heart melting smile on his face. I smiled back stroking my thumb over his jaw.

Oikawa then let out a yawn and rested his forehead on my shoulder.

“Hey...Tooru,” I whispered in his ear “You tired baby..?” I was shocked at the words that came out of my mouth, I could tell he was too as I felt him jolt a little against me.

He hummed in agreement against my neck cuddling closer, well as close as he could without using his arms.

I tried to get up but he would not let me.

“Can I please get up?” I asked.

“Nuuuhhh,” He whined against me, his face now in the crook of my neck.

I rubbed his back,”Tooru I am gonna stay, I just need to get the spare futon out. I will still be next to you.

“There’s no need,” He rubbed his cheek on my neck and then lifted his head up to meet my eyes. “Your my b-boyfriend now,” he stated, “sleep w-with me”

Him saying that re-lit the fire in my face

I don’t want him to be happy about making me blush, ugh think Hajime, wait I know.

“ Well that comes with a price~” I teased

“H-hmm w-what,?” He replied

“Hmm a kiss,” I said

“O-ok,” He stuttered out, it was getting better slowly.

“Wait that's not all,”

Oikawa looked nervous, it was kinda cute seeing his eyes looking anywhere but me and his cheeks all red, with the occasional lick of the lips,

I got up close and whispered in his ear

“Call me Hajime, Tooru~”

Of course at times I still wanted him to call me Iwa-chan no matter what he says I will always deny that I like it, I don’t want him to know about that.

“O-ok iwa-no H-ajime,”

God it sounded hot coming out of his mouth. I leaned in pressing my lips against his.

This time it was a little more heated, as it slowly became more passionate and placed my hand on the back of his neck and licked the seam at his bottom lip asking for entrance, he allowed it. As soon as he opened his mouth our tongues danced together in harmony. Of course we are both inexperienced so there was a bit of teeth crashing, but it was amazing nevertheless. It felt as though I was on cloud nine. I did not want it to get anymore heated, my heart pounding at the thought of it. I slightly nibbled on his lower lip before pulling back.

Tooru’s lips were slightly swollen. They shined with a sheet of saliva from the previous events. “Fuck, why do you have to be so hot,”

Tooru just stared at me, eyes glimmering like the stars in the night sky. He kissed my cheek and said “You're also pretty hot yourself,”

After some flirtatious comments back and forth, we decided to call it a night. We were both tired from today and wanted some much needed sleep.

I lay in the bed with my lover. He moved in between my legs being mindful of his arms and lay his head on my chest. He was a slight bit taller than me but he had quite a long bed so he shuffled down a bit. Tooru sighed contently and I kissed his forehead, I could get used to this. The warmth radiating from Oikawa was blissful and mind numbing. I had still not forgotten what had happened in the bathroom, when I looked down at the person on my chest, I could clearly see his bandaged arms. I shouldn’t think about this now.

“Night Tooru, love you,”

“Mm I-I love you too Iwa-chan~”

He didn’t call me Hajime but I couldn’t complain, my crush of 5 years was now my boyfriend.

I kissed his forehead once again and closed my eyes, falling into a deep slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please give constructive criticism . I wrote this cause I was sad and yeah. I was crying through most of it and I and 100% sure parts won't make sense. Thank you for reading this.


End file.
